Status Updates

[heatray5d]

Guys! I'm trying to use this thing more! I do read LJ, like every single day (on the potty!), but finding the time to post things is hard.

I quit Facebook a couple months ago. Actually, I quit Facebook last August, after the election-centered echo-chamber of lies reached such an incredible volume I simply couldn't stand it any more. It was like watching a vast crowd of idiots standing on the edge of a canyon, all screaming their opinions into the void, all hoping to hear them bounce back louder and stronger, and not a single one of them listening to the person next to them. Eight hundred goddam friends, and not a one interested in being thoughtful, or even in, like, basic fact checking.

Facts are important guys. They help us know what all the things is.

Anyway, FB was shocking and exhausting, because I know that most of my actual friends actually are thoughtful people who are interested in things like the truth, and not being dickheads. But Facebook (like the rest of the internet) does something stupid to the parts of people's brains that enable dignity, patience, and self-awareness.

But then I actually just up and deleted my FB account a few months ago because I realized I hadn't done anything with it other than mass-delete notifications from my email in something like 9 months, and that, as a result, I had missed literally nothing of import.

I sort of had a theory at first that I was going to be the first of many hundreds of thousands, and that Facebook would soon be going the way of pets.com, but upon reflection I'm changing my mind.

I thought that pretty soon, everyone would be sick of the enforced "hey everybody look at me" superficiality of the Facebook format, and would retreat to more curated communities (like Livejournal, and, oh my god, email lists) where smaller networks engage in actual discussion.

Facebook is like a nightclub, where everyone you know goes. Some of those people you really love, some you like, and some you just tolerate. But you greet everyone the same way – "Like!" – and while you might have the occasional interesting exchange with someone, it's just too fucking noisy to actually have a conversation, and even making plans to get together outside of the club is hampered by the format.

Nightclubs are fun! But eventually most people reach a point where they just want to get drunk with three or four close friends in their own kitchen, and maybe not even put on shoes. Or maybe, just maybe, they want to do something by themselves.

And that metaphor is actually what made me realize I was wrong. The reason people quit going to nightclubs for their social interactions is, by and large, a function of maturity. Which is not to say that people who continue clubbing into middle age are immature – only that maturity manifests for many people in a way that leads them to value fewer, more significant interactions.

The people for whom FB was originally created – college students – are at the perfect level of maturity for it. College is all about noisy, superficial, highly populated social networks. Maintaining a friendship with someone who lives in the same building as you and takes the same classes is a zero-effort proposition. It's awesome! If you're a college student.

So now here's my new theory. Facebook is popular because we're a civilization if lazy goddamn children. People are going to continue flocking to Facebook, despite the fact that I've never heard anyone express any feeling about it other than frustration and a vague sense of obligation. It's probably the only high-value brand that actually subtracts value directly from its users lives.

But no one wants to give up the sense of belonging they get from being "surrounded" by people. No one wants to give up the idea that they're "keeping in touch with their friends" by getting semi-regular updates on the parking situation and what they had for lunch. And it's certain that most people aren't going to give up their soapbox on the edge of the canyon.

Comments

[raglar.livejournal.com]

A) I really like the nightclub metaphor.

When I quit Facebook, I suddenly found out that I was getting less wrapped up in doing shit. I didn't know as much shit was going on, and I found myself being way less anxious because of it. Apparently there's a term floating around - FOMO. Fear of Missing Out. I'm definitely on the downswing from it.

I logged on the other day, and I had a delightfully negative (delightful because it was reinforcement to not be on there) reaction to the feed - it just looked like all so much noise. Which, of course, it is.

Also, I would contend that we're not a lazy civilization, we're just people, subject to weird dopamine responses.

[atalanta.livejournal.com]

I both agree and don't. I think some of the minutiae of everyday life are real ways you feel connected to people. Since I don't have the option of deeper, in-person interactions with most of those people I'm happy to have the little bits of them I see on FB. Livejournal is better, though.

Also FB is great for the purpose of exchanging family photos with faraway friends and family who will never otherwise see each other. That's my main reason for using it, I guess.

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

I will say this : like heatray, I had an identical theory / attitude about fb before July. I still agree, but now found another use/purpose for it: the one-fingered broadcast communication tool for the one-handed, stay at home mom. It has become a powerful tool, unexpectedly.

You know who is most active on my feed? Other moms, with a smartphone lifeline. At work on the computer, fb was a boredom distraction toy, a poisonous and lonely one. Now, it has become a speedy help hotline to reach other parents...or give proof of my own existence, outside the void of screamy, milky, isolated chaos.

It turns out, high school & even college students aren't fb's demographic anymore : middle aged women are. It is still annoying, yet I get the appeal now, from a different angle.

[heatray.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying (well, I guess I sort of was saying this) that others aren't getting value from FB. But I certainly wasn't. I don't need a large virtual support group, and I'm not trying to run a popular revolution, so really it just didn't contribute anything to my life.

For folks in your situation, though, it's a great tool for seeking support and advice.

[panzerkunst.livejournal.com]

I agree with you somewhat, some days the signal-to-noise is favorable towards things I actually want to see and read. Other times, it's the usual complaints about weather and the fact that it's not Friday. Thankfully I don't know many people who post photos of food, unless it's of an entire pig. But I've done my best to cut way down at least. I was on it way too much on my phone during my recent vacation in the futile hope that people would be available to do things. I've taken the app off my phone, it's a battery hog anyways. Fear of Missing Out is something I've had for way too long, and FB preys on that, though I'm getting better at it. I'll see photos of some gathering and instinctively think; "oh. I wasn't invited." Then I realize, wait a minute, I wouldn't have gone to that anyways or more than likely couldn't afford to.

So when will we see movie reviews again?

[shnells.livejournal.com]

i partially agree with you and do like the nightclub metaphor. for me facebook has been the easiest and best way for me to let people know i'm alive and to post little snippets of my life. i simply do not have the time or energy anymore to post on livejournal though i would like to .
facebook has been pretty awesome in the sense that ive been able to reconnect with friends in other countries that i've not talked to or seen in over 20 years. it has been a way for family members to see my dtr and how she has been growing.

so yeah. not all bad.

i also would like to read more movie reviews. also i miss you.

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

I fucking love you. Have I told you that lately?

I should. In person. In your person face. Soon.

[sirendipity.livejournal.com]

What others said plus:

There's this inclination for EVERYONE to add EVERYONE, which I think is where the suck comes in and, also, where the FOMO plays a role.

I'm seriously considering trimming my FB to people I've seen in the past year and people who I want to keep in touch with but are far away. No more promoters that I don't hang out with (I never go out anyway), no more random people I met once and haven't seen again, no more old HS people who have gone the way of Fox News Insanity.

Just saying that has lifted a weight off my chest.

[raglar.livejournal.com]

The Fox Newsies were my first cut! ;)

[heatray.livejournal.com]

It was actually the liberals that drove me away. At least the conservatives on my feed were willing to source (with questionable sources, sure, but still they put some effort in) the ridiculous claims they were making; all of the progressives were just posting the LOLcat version of political discourse with not even the slightest effort at verifying anything.

[silentq.livejournal.com]

That's what I've been trying to do this last week, and FB is making it as annoying as usual. Infinite scroll and rearranging on my friends list as I defriend means that I'm clicking the wrong thing sometimes, and hover to click on a pop up menu makes it even more fun! And I keep spotting people that I meant to remove, and feeling a bit odd about removing them so long after the group removes. I was hoping that it would be as easy as seeing a nice list with a column to unfriend, but nope, it takes time/work to scale down the contacts. But it's been totally worth it, I'm happier when I check there now. :-) And happy to see more content here too!

[hrafn.livejournal.com]

I like that nightclub analogy a lot! I had a very similar realization lately that helped me understand why I loathe using FB so much: I realized it reminds me of those BIG parties, where you get excited to catch up with people you rarely see, but you never get time to really talk in-depth about anything because there are so many people around, someone else is always coming up and saying "Hi it's been so long how are you!" It's extraversion on the internets. Lots of small talk kinds of updates, little deep conversation, or opportunity for it. And uh, I am deeply introverted. I loathe small talk AND crowds like that, I don't have the time or energy to check in to extravert central to make sure I am current with the cute things my high school friends' toddlers did.

I'm sad that so many people have gone to that sort of blogging, where it's like, the G- or maybe PG-rated version of your life: it's the life commentary you don't mind being read by your closest friends AND your mom AND your aunt AND that person from that one volunteer organization.

It's nice to have some level of contact with old high school friends, and it has been very valuable to me in that way (I found my current apartment thanks to a post on FB), but it all seems too public and fast moving to be about deep relationships. It's an easy way to maintain superficial contact with people, and I'm not about to ditch it entirely (I do have 1 or 2 friends I -do- have some meaningful interaction with on FB, too.)

The whole interface is -designed- to discourage lengthy, substantial discussion, but email conversations, or thoughtful blogging any more seem to be reserved for only intimate relationships, or really wordy bastards.

[cris.livejournal.com]

likewise, political discussions on Facebook leading up to the last election cycle killed any impetus that I may have to get into arguments with anyone. I never particularly thought that LJ was suitable for that either, but my urge to use LJ as a soapbox is just dead, dead, dead.

I don't think people are going to keep flocking to Facebook. Most of what I've been seeing in Internet and tech/social media circles is that most college-aged kids are now on Tumblr/Instagram and consider Facebook as some place to keep in touch with their grandparents and older cousins. Basically, the loop has closed back into distributed platforms for posting content, but now with all of the liking, reposting, dopamine enhancing positive reinforcements of how we like you that's built into FB.

[cayetana.livejournal.com]

I think the most important thing is not to tell people to quit FB or stay on FB (which you're not doing, you're just talking about your decision), but to encourage people to make sure they are enjoying themselves and that they are using FB in a way that works for them personally.

If what works for them is to quit, great. If what works is to use it for all the reasons people mention, great.

We don't all have to use these tools for the same reasons or in the same ways. It seems people don't get that.

[katjamama.livejournal.com]

no fucking shit, i got about halfway through this and thought, wow, this is really good, and subconsciously started looking for the "like" button.

good lord.

and i don't even FB very often!