dear penthouse. . .

[heatray5d]

I swear to god this happened.

I've just now returned from doing my laundry. I'm happy that the laundry near my house, while it is farther away than I would like, is way less sketchy than other laundries I've had to use. The one in the trailer park where I grew up was, by far, one of the most unpleasant places I've ever been - you had to check the dryers carefully before putting your clothes in, because people used to shit in them. I'm totally serious.

So today, I was sitting on a washing machine (because there are no chairs in my laundry), reading yet another of Richard Sharpe's adventures, when I felt someone staring at me. I looked up and made eye contact with an Asian woman, heavy-set but not obese, in her late-30's or early-40's. Her voice was very deep, almost masculine, and she spoke softly enough that at first I wasn't entirely certain what she said.

What she said was, "You have a very nice body."

Now, my mom taught me that whenever you are complimented, you graciously accept it. So that is what I did, knowing that to do so was to walk into a conversational trap. "Thank you very much," I said. Then I looked back down at my book.

"I live around here," she said. I looked back up, not entirely certain I'd heard what I thought I had. I requested clarification. "I live near here," she said again. "Would you like to come by?"

"Uh," I said, "no thank you." I smiled again, hoping she wouldn't feel bad, and wondering if she was a hooker or what. She left without another word, and I spent the rest of my time in the laundry willing my clothes to dry faster so I could be out of there before she returned to get hers.

Comments

[islandofzilan.livejournal.com]

how does one shit in a dryer? how do you cram yourself in there with the door on the front. I mean I'm sure you could since you have "a very nice body..."

[heatray.livejournal.com]

I myself never shit in a dryer, so I couldn't tell you. I always assumed people shat there, rather than doing it elsewhere and carrying the shit to the laundry specifically to put it in the dryer. I refuse to believe there are people in the world who put that much forethought into getting shit into a dryer.

[sirendipity.livejournal.com]

I bet it's the goatee...

[heatray.livejournal.com]

I think you may be right. I'm 99% sure a high school girl grabbed my ass on the T Friday night. The goatee has weird powers.

I'm looking forward to seeing what effect just a mustache has. I suppose I'll want to wear cloths I don't mind having ripped that day.

[co-cutthroat.livejournal.com]

please, for the love of all that is holy, do not do this

there are some things that should not be undertaken even in the interest of science

[heatray.livejournal.com]

But it's International Mustache Month!

[morbidiqua.livejournal.com]

Dude... mustache? I swear I have a mustache fetish... I need to carry around a little package of the fake ones and put them on people (male ones) for my amusement. Maybe other women like them too?

[heatray.livejournal.com]

I don't think you'll have a fetish for the mustache I'm developing. Unless you also have a fetish for child molesters and nerdy teenagers.

[morbidiqua.livejournal.com]

Crud... shave that then!!

[windowpane.livejournal.com]

haha...that's kinda creepy.

[morbidiqua.livejournal.com]

Agreed. If some dude said that to me I'd probably "Say NO... then GO... then TELL."

[windowpane.livejournal.com]

Hahaha.

[rishikanta.livejournal.com]

... before she returned to get hers.

you mean, you thought she was gonna come back and *forcibly* acquire your company?

;)

[iterum.livejournal.com]

Or, frustrated at her failure to pick him up, she'd angrily start shitting in dryers, and he didn't want to see that (for all that it would clear up the mystery of how).