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My back hurts. It’s getting better, but it’s been hurting for 14 days now.
This started, I swear to god, with a pulled muscle in my right shoulder; which muscle I pulled doing pushups. This is the stupidest injury I’ve ever had. Who pulls a muscle doing pushups? They’re just pushups! It’s not like I was doing EXTREME pushups or something, like on a tight rope or while on fire. So that’s pretty lame.
But then, because I can’t ever have just a minor injury, that pulled muscle turned into a full-on back spasm, which was totally awesome. That got a little bit better, but then I got drunk and wrestled with a guy, who suplexed me. This kung fu treachery (a phrase I’m trying to work into my every day life more often) may have aggravated the muscle spasm.
My doctor says I just need to give it time. He gave me really big ibuprofen and some muscle relaxers. I’d like to go to a chiropractor as well, but every one I’ve called so far keeps stupid hours, because they apparently only serve the unemployed.
Next week I change cubicles at work, go to Botcon, and potentially give a presentation that may very well change the course of my life, and all of yours. I can’t tell you about it, but you’ll know if it goes well, because you will immediately start glowing with a holy light and seeing visions of flying children with creepy blue eyes, and you will be able to run faster, like the Bionic Man, and punch through concrete walls, and everyone will be able to give each other orgasms just by pointing and snapping their fingers, and Barack Obama will finally start using the word “motherfucker” like we all want him too.
This started, I swear to god, with a pulled muscle in my right shoulder; which muscle I pulled doing pushups. This is the stupidest injury I’ve ever had. Who pulls a muscle doing pushups? They’re just pushups! It’s not like I was doing EXTREME pushups or something, like on a tight rope or while on fire. So that’s pretty lame.
But then, because I can’t ever have just a minor injury, that pulled muscle turned into a full-on back spasm, which was totally awesome. That got a little bit better, but then I got drunk and wrestled with a guy, who suplexed me. This kung fu treachery (a phrase I’m trying to work into my every day life more often) may have aggravated the muscle spasm.
My doctor says I just need to give it time. He gave me really big ibuprofen and some muscle relaxers. I’d like to go to a chiropractor as well, but every one I’ve called so far keeps stupid hours, because they apparently only serve the unemployed.
Next week I change cubicles at work, go to Botcon, and potentially give a presentation that may very well change the course of my life, and all of yours. I can’t tell you about it, but you’ll know if it goes well, because you will immediately start glowing with a holy light and seeing visions of flying children with creepy blue eyes, and you will be able to run faster, like the Bionic Man, and punch through concrete walls, and everyone will be able to give each other orgasms just by pointing and snapping their fingers, and Barack Obama will finally start using the word “motherfucker” like we all want him too.