You've all seen this ad.

There's this ruckus about it being racist, which I guess is because Ford is black. The implication here is that a white woman (and worse, one of the virginal flowers from Playboy Magazine!) might have had relations of some kind with him. As you know, the very thought of a white woman succumbing to the animal charms of our lesser African brothers is horrifying to many cracker minds; us white boys recoil at the thought of the African's mighty, pulsing manhood thoroughly corrupting our womenfolk, and forever poisoning them against white meat. Also, black dudes are scary even with their clothes on.

I don't know if I really buy that part of the controversy. If the ad is anything, it's sexist. I don't think folks who vote based on their fears of racial impurity are capable of catching the racial subtext in the ad, if it's there at all. The feel is more one of religious fear of sexuality than Southern race politics. Also, there's the implication that Ford is not only soft on terrorism, but that he's a staunch defender of terrorist-rights; which if that's true, he's got my vote. I feel ashamed every time a terrorist is forced by the bus driver to give up his seat for me. It's time someone stood up for the terrorists.

What bugs me about the ad, though, is how totally insubstantial it is. Is the Republican party in Tennessee so devoid of a message that they can afford to produce such a vapid advertisement? I know political ads are generally disingenuous at best and outright lies at worst, but they also usually at least take a shot at substance with little graphics of highlighted newspaper text and sepia film of farmers or coal miners/black and white footage of rapists eating filet mignon depending on the non-issues at stake in the election.

I rarely agree with Republicans, but I remember a time when I respected their party in many ways. Reagan was a psycho, but he was an ethical psycho who knew how to tell a yarn. But if the entirety of your message in a given election is that:
a) Your opponent (a single man, I think) has sex with Playboy Bunnies.
b) He may be black.
You've already lost.

Seriously, if I was Harold Ford's campaign manager, I would respond with a positive ad that went something like this:

"Harrison Ford saved the galaxy from Darth Vader as Han Solo, and married a princess. Then, he fought Nazis and saved the world from deranged psychopath Adolph Hitler, at the same time securing the Ark of the Covenant – and God's permanent blessing – for the United States. Then, he saved a little Amish boy's life, protected his nation from Irish terrorists, a top-secret Soviet nuclear submarine, and rampaging killer androids from space. Harrison Ford is a God Damn hero. What the hell has Bob Corker ever done?

"Vote Harold Ford this November."

You know what else? The Republican Party is missing the boat with this ad anyway. Look at Ford's website. That dude is only a teeny, tiny bit blacker than I am. He doesn't even have any pictures of black folks on his web site. His platform says fuck all about race issues or affirmative action. I'm willing to bet that a good percentage of the people he represents don't even realize he's black, but even if they do he's exactly the kind of black guy who makes white people feel okay about black people. 50 Cent he is not. He's not even Usher.

You know what I think? I think Ford, in the next debate, should show Tennessee exactly how much of a pussy Corker is. Cater to stereotypes. From his podium across the stage, Ford could offer this rebuttal:

Ford: Bitch, did you just scuff my Nikes?

Corker: What?

Ford: What the fuck do you mean what, bitch? Did you just scuff my Nikes?

Corker: Um.

Ford: [leaves his podium and approaches Corker, while removing his sport coat] Oh it's ON, now, bee-yatch. You gon' be pissin' blood 'n I'm through wit you.

Corker: Wait!

Ford: You got something to say, bitch? You got something to say, motherfucker?

Corker: No! I. . . I'm sorry I scuffed your Nikes.

Ford: Sorry what, bitch?

Corker: Sorry I scuffed your Nikes. . .sir?

Ford: S'cool. [returns to his podium] Next question?

Also, since when is picking on diseased celebrities cool? How come no one told me it was okay to kick these fuckers while they're down?

Remember that time Richard Pryor died? Shameless publicity stunt, trying to promote baby-killing stem cell research. I hope he dies again. Christopher Reeve was also faking in a calculated attempt to gain sympathy for Palestinian terrorists.

Boy, I sure am glad we've got all the terrorists pinned down in Iraq. Better to fight and kill them over there than have them over here, killing us.