professional hugs

[heatray5d]

I have an ex who used to get mad at me for how I hug people; her issue was that, in her words, I "use my whole body."

I'm not entirely sure what that means. I think that I give good hugs. I'm pretty sure I'm not a creepy hugger. I try to limit the amount of time I embrace someone, and I don't rub my crotch on people, or sneak in a butt touch or anything. Sometimes I might squeeze a little too hard? But I like to think that my hugs are pleasant because when I hug someone I mean it. It's an expression of genuine affection, and not something I just hand out. I'm not a hug whore, but I am generous with my affection. I think everyone who still reads LJ falls into the category of people I hug, when I see them.

Regardless, ever since the end of that relationship, I've been self-conscious about my hugs. Truth be told, that relationship made me self-conscious about a number of things, and all of them are weird, but hugging has to be one of the weirdest.

So just recently I had to inform one of our regular freelancers that we were going to be reducing her hours - possibly to near zero. This is her last week of regular work for us, and she came in today to finalize the transition of her projects onto one of our in-house writers. She's worked for us for three years; she sends us pictures of her baby, and tells us stories about her wife. She's been a part of our life, and we've been a part of hers. Letting her go is a big deal, for her and me.

So when I walked her out today, we hugged. And it was the same hug that I would give to any of you. And now I'm worried that I did it wrong. Is there, like, a professional hug I should be using?

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_perihelion_/]

there are “A" shaped hugs and "I" shaped hugs. “A" shaped hugs require that you lean in on the top and out on the bottom. “I" shaped hugs are, obviously, full body hugs. some people are uncomfortable with anything but “A" shaped hugs from anyone that they are not sexually involved with. I find those people rather uptight and stiff but it’s their choice. and, honestly, it is their choice. anyone who prefers to give an “A” shaped hug will always end up sharing an “A” shaped hug. having an “I” shaped hug requires both parties choose “I” shaped. so I think you’re good.

[heatray.livejournal.com]

I've not heard it put that way, but the A-shaped hug is what I always assumed my ex wished I would give to other people. But honestly, that feels so, so awkward - if my interlocutor is the sort of person to whom I'd only give an A-shaped hug, than I'm not going to bother.

Anyway, this woman initiated the hug, so I'm not terribly worried about the fact of the hug. But there are a number of common interactions that you have to tune specifically to manager/subordinate interactions, and physical touching is one of those things. So I find that whenever I physically interact with one of my subordinates I find myself carefully reviewing the interaction after the fact to make sure that it was handled correctly.